There are some precepts and teachings in Islam to manage disagreements and avoid them at all costs, because prevention is better than cure!
Also, let’s never forget that respect is not a one-way street.
Conflicts in Marriage Are Inevitable
Conflicts will inevitably arise at some point in your marriage.
No relationship is perfect and don’t believe that small disagreements or mistakes will jeopardize your partnership.
However, the intensity of your arguments and the way you channel them will make the difference.
In Islam, there are a few methods to deal with problems and avoid them. And prevention is always better than treatment!
Keep in mind that Allah Almighty created men and women for a certain purpose. Which for the moment can escape us.
But here is a passage we should remember:
ومن آياته أن خلق لكم من أنفسكم أزواجا لتسكنوا إليها وجعل بينكم مودة ورحمة إن في ذلك لآيات لقوم يتفكرون
“ And among his signs he has created wives for you that you may find tranquility in them, and he has placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, there are signs for people who reflect ”.
The main causes of conflict in the couple
Believe it or not, all brides argue over things that are often insignificant. This is not unique to your marriage. It’s pretty much the same everywhere, as they say.
Just because arguments are insignificant doesn’t mean they should be normalized. On the contrary, we must concentrate our efforts on improving the quality of life and marriage. Nonstop. Without ever weakening.
Never put dust under the rug.
Here are some major causes of conflict:
– Spouses criticize and slander each other.
– Spouses are often irritable and edgy due to external factors.
– Sarcasm has become a normal mode of communication.
– Name calling and swearing hiss through the house.
– Conjugal communication is ineffective (blabbering into a vacuum).
– Misinterpretation of the other’s message and tone.
– The couple does not/no longer trust each other.
– Complaining about previously unresolved conflicts and always bringing out the old moon.
– Having opposing points of view on almost everything as a matter of principle.
There are a million more reasons for conflict, and they vary from family to family. If you find yourself in any of these situations with your partner, don’t worry or put too much pressure on yourself.
A natural conflict yes, an unhealthy and toxic conflict no!
Let’s take a look at the difference between healthy conflict and unhealthy conflict!
5 indicators of a healthy conflict
No disagreement is really healthy. We prefer a whole agreement to a disagreement.
Moreover, for centuries in the world of great Islamic scholars, there have been disagreements. This does not prevent the different schools of thought from harmonizing under the one and only roof of Islam.
For your couple, it is best to regain control of the situation and minimize the damage by employing good coping and communication skills. The idea is to limit breakage and never let skids slide too long.
A conflict that arises is ok. But refusing to handle it is not ok.
Here is a list of indicators that show that you manage WELL
– You do not interrupt your spouse when he speaks, and vice versa.
– You and your spouse strive to understand each other’s point of view.
– You and your spouse speak in a pleasant voice.
– You and your spouse do not exaggerate the situation.
– At the end of the conversation, there is always a solution.
5 indicators of an UNHEALTHY conflict
Vinegar is always better in the salad than in conversation. A person’s emotional manipulation can be so subtle that you don’t even notice it.
Don’t worry if any of these boxes are checked! This is not the end of the world. It’s never too late to make improvements to your marriage:
Here is a list of indicators that show that you are managing BADLY:
– You and your spouse blame each other.
– You and your husband are arguing about many things at the same time.
– You avoid eye contact and cross your arms (negative body language) .
– You and your partner attach too much importance to your differences.
– There is no way out, and your vitality has been exhausted.
3 Islamic tips for dealing with marital disputes
We have just seen the revealing indicators of a healthy or unhealthy conflict.
It’s time to study how to meet your spouse again.
Now you have to stop wasting your time and energy. All within the framework of religion. Lets’ go !
1. It is better to start by calming down.
If you’re in a rush or can’t think clearly, it’s a good idea to take a break and relax first. To guarantee a new constructive debate with your spouse, your peace of mind is absolutely crucial.
No need to start off on the wrong foot. Do not attack the resolution of the dispute with agitation, anger and irritation.
When there’s 5 centimeters of snow outside, don’t say there’s 50. No, there is no risk of avalanche!
Even our beloved Prophet, peace and blessings of God be upon him, advised us to be quiet when we have nothing positive to say and to change our body postures when we are angry.
According to Abu Hurairah (may Allah bless him) ,
The Prophet ( ﷺ ) said: “ He who believes in Allah and the Last Day must either speak well or be silent. » [Musulman]
Then reported by Abu Dharr :
The Messenger of Allah ( ﷺ ) tell us : “ When one of you gets angry standing up, he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good, otherwise he should lie down.
[ Sunan Abi Dawud ]
2. Correct your understanding of what marriage entails.
As the saying goes, opposites attract, but years of marriage later, spouses can no longer bear their differences. Once so popular.
Remember brothers and sisters, no two individuals are the same, and you need to find common ground to accept each other.
At the end of the day, Allah Almighty did not make us all the same or on the same level. Each of us is built differently, and understanding, appreciating, and accommodating each other’s uniqueness is the core of marriage.
يأيها ٱلناس إنا خلقنكم من ذكر وأنثث وجعلنكم شعوبا وقبآئل لتعارفوا إن أكرمكم عند ٱله أتقىكم إن ٱلله عليم خبير
“O humanity! We created you from one (pair) of a male and a female, and we made you nations and tribes, so that you know each other (not that you despise each other). Verily, the most honored among you in the sight of Allah is (the one who is) the most righteous among you. And Allah is All-Knowing and All-Knowing.”
It is worth pointing out that Almighty Allah has expressly mentioned: “you can know each other” which implies that we are not all alike and that coming to know each other takes time.
3. Approach your spouse in a civilized way.
Past companions were respectful and decent in handling conflict.
Today’s spouses are sometimes so eager to criticize and complain about their partner to their friends and families, and even worse, on social media. This won’t fix anything and will, in fact, make the problem worse!
Keep your marital difficulties hidden from public view, approach your spouse in a respectful and courteous manner, listen carefully, be open-minded, objective, and stay on topic, and finally seek a solution toward peace and the tranquility of home.
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